May 14 2008

To Sleep, Perchance To Dream …

Published by under Family

It was cold outside the sheets this morning when the alarm went off at 6:00 am. I always set my alarm to ring one and a half hours before I have to get up. This gives me plenty of time to sleep in. 15 minutes on either side for snoozing and a full hour of slumber in between – a trick I learned in my childhood.

I slid over a little bit and found Corporate Babe’s warm body. She turned in to snuggle me and began to gently stroke the back of my neck. I buried my face into the toasty spot between her neck and shoulder. Feeling all cuddly and serene, I started dozing off again.

This delicious moment of peace, love and tranquility lasted all of about two seconds. Exacto shattered the bliss by opening the bedroom door and walking in with a whiny, crying voice.

“Weee … weee … weee … weee” was all I could make out of what he was saying.

“What’s that honey? You wet your bed? You’ve peed all over your pajamas and bedsheets? It’s okay, honey, don’t cry! Please don’t stand there naked … it’s really cold! Come into bed with mommy and daddy and let’s have a nice cuddle.”

The neck strokes suddenly ceased. Any hopes of a peaceful, quiet sleep-in were also dashed. As Marlin the clownfish exclaimed in “Finding Nemo”, the “happy” feeling was gone. Corporate Babe turned her back on me and rolled over to cuddle our son.

And, just like a movie script, no sooner had my wife abandoned me for our soon-to-be 6 year-old, Destructo marched into the bedroom demanding equal cuddle time.

“I want to lie down next to you too mommy!”

“That’s a little bit difficult, sweetie. Your brother is on one side and your daddy is on the other.”


“Honey …”

I knew who that tone of voice was being directed at. I wasn’t going to budge from my spot on the bed, so, without changing position, I just shut my eyes tighter and tried turning my ears off.

Destructo couldn’t care less. He was already crawling over his brother to claim his spot in our bed. A verbal and physical joust for a “snuggle spot” next to my wife ensued between the two younger siblings. I tried burying my face deeper into the pillow, but I knew it was hopeless. I was now just marking time in bed with my eyes closed.

Then, just as a compromise seemed to have been reached between the kids (one next to her, one on top of her), Corporate Babe’s radio alarm went off and the room filled with loud annoying chatting coming from the morning radio announcers. This got my kids going and soon everyone was talking and wriggling about.

With no other option left but to surrender, I slid off my little corner of the bed and got up.

Welcome to another day in the life of …

The Lazy Househusband

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