Apr 17 2008

Walking With Househusbands

Corporate Babe flew out of the country yesterday on a 2 week business trip. I’ve been left with the kids, who are all currently sick with the flu and on school holidays.

This is going to be my first real test as a bona fide househusband. It’s kind of like the “Survivor” series, but instead of being dropped off in an inhospitable island with a bunch of other people whose strength and talents match and complement mine, I am stuck in the middle of suburbia with three little pygmies who can easily outwit and outlast me in every conceivable way.

At the beginning of their school holidays, I laid down a firm rule – over the next two weeks while Mom is away, my kids can only request a total of three meals each at McDonald’s. Today is Day 2 of the holidays and we’ve already driven past the McDonald’s drive-thru window twice for lunch, so they only have one more Happy Meal request left.

After driving Corporate Babe to the airport yesterday, I decided we were all entitled to having the rest of the day off. On the way back home, I stopped off at the local video store and we stacked up on DVDs. After picking up our second lot of Happy Meals this week (Exacto wanted “the usual” meal and so did Destructo, even though he’s never ordered chicken nuggets before — always a hamburger with extra pickles!), we drove home and just tuned out.

We don’t have a television, only computers with built-in DVD players. The kids watched their movies on the computer in Corporate Babe’s office and I watched my selection of movies on my laptop in my office. We did manage to sneak in a little walk round the block together just before it got too dark, then sat around the dinner table waiting for the frozen pizza to cook in the oven.

After getting the kids to bed early, I then sat down at the computer, dids a little work and watched a couple more movies until 3:00 am, before going to bed. During this time, Filosofo woke up a couple of times saying he wasn’t feeling well before vomiting pizza all over the bathroom.

Today things went a little better. The kids got up early and went off to Corporate Babe’s office to watch some movies, which allowed me to sleep in until almost 9:00 am. After breakfast, we all got dressed and went off to the Shopping Mall.

We are all big fans of the “Walking With Dinosaurs” series, and I had promised the kids – Filosofo especially – that we would watch “Walking With Cavemen” during the holidays. Since none of our video rental stores had a copy available for hire, I thought we’d find it at the mall. They didn’t have “Walking With Cavemen” available at the store either, but one of the kids did spot a copy of “Walking with Monsters” (about life on Earth before the dinosaurs came along) on the shelf, so I bought that one instead.

Walking out of the store with my kids running in all different directions, I started imagining a “Walking With Children” series. I imagine this could eventually be expanded into “Walking With Blisters” and “Walking With Difficulty” also, since this is really what parents have evolved into in this modern age.

Anyway, it’s almost 7:00 pm now and I’ve got the kids in a bath before I get some dinner happening. With twelve days to go still before Corporate Babe comes home and only one McDonald’s visit left, I’m hoping no one in the audience is going to vote me off the show and send me home early.

They can’t, I just remembered, because I’m already home!

The Lazy Househusband

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